Asking the mom of a ''singleton'' if she plans to have more children is a common way for moms to bond. And I don't mind when well-intended people ask me whether or not I have other children. But to be honest, sometimes the follow-up questions get uncomfortable. Like these (Which I've heard too many times to count in real life and my singleton is only 9 months old.):
When are you going to have another baby?
We're not.
Why not?
This is where it starts to get uncomfortable. I usually laugh it off and try to make a joke of it. ''Willow is only ______ old!'' Or I say that if we want to clean up after something else, we'll get a pet.
Do I mention my fertility issues, and how, after a successful and happy ''surprise'' pregnancy at the young age of twenty-one, I'm afraid to put my body through the stress it went through while pregnant the first time? Or about how there's a 50% chance every. single. time. that child could have Cystic Fibrosis?
Oh. That's okay if you only have one.
Yes. I know. Thank you.
I bet your family wishes you'd have another.
Nope. They love our daughter, who is a pretty amazing kid. They understand, respect, and support our reasons for not having another.
Aren't you worried about her being lonely/selfish/rebellious?
Yes, but not because she's an only child. Growing up, I had two brothers and two sisters. I was pretty rebellious in middle school, and high school too. So my biggest worry is that she'll be like me. (Or worse!)
I think that all parents worry about their children being lonely. As mentioned before, I am the fourth of five children...yet I recall having moments of feeling alone, which I believe is an important skill for adulthood. We do make sure that she hangs out with other kids, though. She has lots and lots of cousins she sees regularly and she interacts very well so far with them.
Our daughter may not have to share her toys at home, but we're still teaching her how important it is to be generous and patient with other children. (And doggies!)
You have it so easy with only one kid!
No parent really has it ''easy'' to be honest. It's not a competition, but there are times where I believe that parents of singletons have it easier and then moments where parents of multiples do.
I've been grocery shopping with my sister who has two boys and a girl on the way...so I can speak from personal experience when I say that my shopping experience with only one kid is more pleasant than her shopping experience where the three year old wants his pop-tart open NOW and I have witnessed the 7 year old sulking and having an attitude when he is told he cannot have something. I know it will be much more of a challenge when our daughter is older but so far distracting her with a toy while we zip through the aisles has proven to be a pretty easy task for our family.
However, there are times when I really need to get some work done around the house but I have a sweet little girl who just wants to play...and it's times like this when I believe it would benefit our daughter to have a sibling to play with, as I did. But alas, I get on the floor and play with her.
''Oh, you don't know because you haven't had your second one yet!''
Don't know? Don't know what!? I know exactly what it's like to be a mother. Last time I checked, one kid is all you need.
''Are you trying for another kid?''
I'm sorry, did you just ask me if I'm having sex?
With that said, all of these are insensitive and absolutely none of anybody's business. However, they are not unique to mom's of only children. Just because you have more than one child doesn't mean these questions will stop. I am aware of that. Have two boys? Everyone wants to know when you'll be having a girl. As if it's something that you actually have control over.
My final bit of advice? The number of children you have, whether it's one or seven, does not define you as a mom. How you raise them, treat them, and love them does. Let’s focus on that.
